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The last week has been very painful for me, my family and for the people of South Carolina. However, throughout this terrible ordeal, the incredible outpouring of kindness, support, and prayer I’ve received from countless friends and folks I have never even met has been truly uplifting. I appreciate that more than I can say. Please know that my sons and I are doing fine, given the circumstances. We are surrounded by friends and family, and we will make it through this. I believe it is how we respond to the challenges we face in life, and what we learn from them, that is most telling about who we truly are.
There is no question that Mark’s behavior is inexcusable. Actions have consequences and he will be dealing with those consequences for a long while. Trust has been broken and will need to be rebuilt. Mark will need to earn back that trust, first and foremost with his family, and also with the people of South Carolina. The real issue now is one of forgiveness. I am willing to forgive Mark for his actions. We have been deeply disappointed in and even angry at Mark. The Bible says, "In your anger do not sin." (Psalm 4:4) In this situation, this speaks to the essence of forgiveness and the critical need to channel one’s energy into positive steps that uphold the dignity of marriage and the family, and lead to reconciliation over time. My forgiveness is essential for us both to move on with our lives, with peace, in whatever direction that may take us. Desmond Tutu said "forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew." Forgiveness opens the door for Mark to begin to work privately, humbly and respectfully toward reconciliation with me. However, to achieve true reconciliation will take time, involve repentance, and will not be easy. Mark showed a lack of judgment in his recent actions as governor. However, his far more egregious offenses were committed against God, the institutions of marriage and family, our boys and me. Mark has stated that his intent and determination is to save our marriage, and to make amends to the people of South Carolina. I hope he can make good on those intentions, and for the sake of our boys I leave the door open to it. In that spirit of forgiveness, it is up to the people and elected officials of South Carolina to decide whether they will give Mark another chance as well.
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So yesterday, Mark Sanford tells the intimate details of his secret search for love in the dance halls of South America, and his readiness to die knowing he’s at last found his soulmate Maria [who apparently remains cloistered in an Argentine high rise]. Today, his wife, Jenny, releases a public statement offering potential forgiveness, then outlining the requirements for his redemption, reconcilliation, and his return to the family. Tomorrow, he joins them in Florida for the holiday weekend.
For review, Governor Mark Sanford disappeared for days, then he is found one morning getting off of a plane in Atlanta – from Argentina. He tells the reporter about adventure trips he takes to blow off steam – "some place exotic." But the paper is holding emails between he and an Argentine woman named Maria. They call and threaten to release their emails, so by that afternoon, Sanford tells us that he’s been having an affair [after more history about his adventure trips and some folksy religious blathering]. In the next few days, we learn that his wife knows about the affair, and that the Governor has been in counselling with his Christian friends. He’s asked his wife let him visit the other woman. He’s suggested that his wife go with him to meet the other woman. He’s flown to meet her in New York with one of his spiritual advisers to break it off. Then we find out that he and his wife have been separated for two weeks, and on the day he separated, he booked a ticket to Argentina for the fateful "missing Governor" trip.
Since then, we’ve had daily updates on the intimate details of Sanford’s affair. Of all the public confessionals of erring public officials to date, Governor Mark Sanford has taken the crown away from President Clinton – previous record holder. Mark Sanford has painted himself into a cramped corner and sounds like a mental case – which he obviously is. About the only thing that would surprise us at this point would be for a space ship to land on the grounds of the Governor’s mansion that takes him up into the sky. Now that I think of it, that’s about the only thing that would resolve this impossible dilemma.
Which brings me to this release from his wife. Governor Sanford talks about his relationship with Maria like a love-sick teenager. In every interview, he talks about his duties to his wife and children, his "fiduciary" duty to the people of South Carolina, and "what’s right" vis-a-vis the Bible. Then he lapses into talking about his soul-mate Maria, and his love, and tragedy. Surely wife Jenny reads all this stuff about him wanting to fall in love with his wife again [meaning he isn’t]. Surely she hears all this talk about his "heart" being elsewhere. Surely she knows that she’s married to a guy who is big time damaged goods.
So in this statement, she’s talking about forgiving him, "[the] essence of forgiveness and the critical need to channel one’s energy into positive steps that uphold the dignity of marriage and the family, and lead to reconciliation over time. My forgiveness is essential for us both to move on with our lives, with peace, in whatever direction that may take us." She’s willing to forgive him if he works real hard, "Forgiveness opens the door for Mark to begin to work privately, humbly and respectfully toward reconciliation with me. However, to achieve true reconciliation will take time, involve repentance, and will not be easy."
So, in this very public forum, Governor Sanford is talking about his duty to reconcile with his wife while making it beyond clear that his heart is in Argentina. And Jenny, his wife, is talking about her duty to forgive him as he repents and restores the dignity of their marriage. It seems a little premature from where I sit for Jenny Sanford to be setting up her parameters for forgiveness while her husband is talking about his devotion to his soul-mate in Buenos Aires. Surely she’s reading the same Governor Sanford interviews as the rest of us.
4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah
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