How you gonna keep them down on the farm? After they’ve seen Paree…
We’ve listened patiently for more years than necessary to the moralizing of the modern Christian Family Values set. As in the centuries before, they’ve told us that there is a way things should be. For example, adolescents shouldn’t be having sex with each other. In fact, if we make birth control methods available to them, they might be tempted, so we’ll have none of that. Instead, we’ll get them all counseled about abstinence and the Christian Family Values rules, [maybe they could sign some pledges], and that ought to take care of any problems.
And what about the men with their wandering ways? and the women to whom they wander? Promise Keepers is an answer. Men get together for spiritual renewal to reinforce their faithfulness. I guess it’s like the abstinence pledges that they get the adolescents to sign…
SULLIVANS ISLAND, S.C. – When South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared, his wife hoped he was really hiking on the Appalachian Trail as his staff had claimed. Like the rest of America, she was stunned to find out he had dared to go to Argentina to see his mistress, a trip she told him not to take. "He was told in no uncertain terms not to see her," Jenny Sanford said in a strong, steady voice as she sat in her oceanfront living room Friday. "I was hoping he was on the Appalachian Trail. But I was not worried about his safety. I was hoping he was doing some real soul searching somewhere and devastated to find out it was Argentina. It’s tragic"…
In her first extended comments on the affair, Sanford recalled how her husband repeatedly sought permission to visit his lover in the months after she discovered his infidelity. "I said absolutely not. It’s one thing to forgive adultery; it’s another thing to condone it," she told The Associated Press during a 20-minute interview at the coastal home where she sought refuge with their four sons.
The Sanfords had separated about two weeks ago. She said her husband told the family he wanted some time away to work on writing a book and clear his head. The first lady said, "I had every hope he was not going to see her." "You would think that a father who didn’t have contact with his children, if he wanted those children, he would toe the line a little bit," she said…
See, Jenny applied the Christian Family Values approach. She said "No" to his requests to be allowed to visit his girlfriend in Argentina [sin]. And she relied on his fatherly instincts to help him "toe the line." And while later in this article it says that she asked him to leave, this last paragraph suggests he left on his own to do "some writing." Well, the timeline suggests something else. He booked a 10 day trip to Argentina on June 10 [two weeks ago]. Sounds like "writing a book and clear his head" wasn’t exactly what he had in mind – any more than hiking the Appalachian Trail was in his mind when he talked to his staff and loaded his camping gear in the car, leaving it in the airport when he took off for Argentina.
Sanford said she discovered her husband’s affair early this year after coming across a copy of a letter to the mistress in one of his files in the official governor’s mansion. He had asked her to find some financial information, she said, not an unusual request considering her heavy involvement in his career…
She felt "shocked and obviously deeply hurt. I didn’t think he had it in him," she said. "It’s hard to find out your husband is not who you thought he was." The first lady said she confronted her husband immediately, and he agreed to end the affair. She said she wasn’t sure Friday whether he had done so.
"I guess that’s what we will have to see. I believe he has," she said. "But he was down there for five days. I saw him yesterday and he is not staying here. We’ll just see what kind of spirit of reconciliation he has himself."
It’s not very sensible for a wife to say "I didn’t think he had it in him" at any time. Well, it’s always "in him" and her naivity suggests that the Family Values thing has been a bit overplayed in her mind. So far, she’s counted on fatherly instincts and wimpiness to solidify her marriage. And, by the way, her husband has just been emasculated by "I didn’t think he had it in him." But now for the kiss of death…
The governor declined to discuss details of the letter and how he handled it with his wife. "This goes into the personal zone," Gov. Sanford said Friday. "I’d simply say that Jenny has been absolutely magnanimous and gracious as a wonderful Christian woman in this process"…
What’s driving Mark Sanford right now isn’t a need for a "magnanimous and gracious … wonderful Christian woman" any more than his fatherly instincts or his Family Values. I’m sure he has an abundance of all of those things. But he might as well have said, "she’s a wonderful home-maker" or "she makes her own clothes." Right now, Mark Sanford is in the tractor beam of "…say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself [or two magnificent parts of yourself] in the faded glow of night’s light…"
"When I found out in January, we both indicated a willingness to continue working on the marriage, but there’s not room for three people in a marriage," she said. "I’ve done everything in my power possibly to keep him from going to see her and to really make sure she was off the table, including asking him to leave."
This is the natural consequence of Family Values thinking. There’s nothing right to say here, because whatever old Mark Sanford has been longing for is already out of the gate. If he still wants to go see "her," Jenny’s best advice would be to send him on his way and get on with her life without him for the moment. John Stewart [or his writers] said it best: ""… you’re just another run of the mill human being whose simple moralizing about the sanctity of marriage is only marred by the complexities of their own life." And if that weren’t bad enough, Mark’s unconscious is working overtime. He comes up with King David who impregnated Bathsheba, killed off her husband, and got still got be King with the "chick" at his side. Fat chance, Mark. Ain’t going to happen.
About an hour after Jenny Sanford talked of her pain and feelings of betrayal, her husband brushed aside any suggestion he might immediately resign, citing the Bible and the story of King David — who continued to lead after sleeping with another man’s wife, Bathsheba, having the husband slain, then marrying the widow. "What I find interesting is the story of David, and the way in which he fell mightily — fell in very, very significant ways, but then picked up the pieces and built from there," Sanford told members of his cabinet in a session called so he could apologize to them in person and tell them the business of government must continue…
Which brings us to THE CONFESSION:
QUESTION: Did you break off the relationship?
SANFORD: The — no, it was interesting in how this thing has gone down, John. I think (inaudible) way more detail than you’ll ever want… I met this person a little over eight years ago. Again, very innocently. And struck up a conversation, and I want to go back to the bubble of politics. This is not justifying, because again what I did was wrong, period, end of story.
…This person at the time was separated, and we ended up in this incredibly serious conversation about why she ought to get back with her husband for the sake of her two boys; that not only was it part of God’s law, but ultimately those two boys would be better off for it.
So his relationship began with him preaching Family Values and God’s Law to some lady he just met.
And we had this incredibly earnest conversation and at the end of it, I said, “Could I get your e-mail?” We swapped e-mails, whatever. And it began just on a very casual basis — “Hey, I’ve got this issue that’s come up with my life,” or vice versa, “What do you think?” … And we developed a remarkable friendship over those eight years. And then, as I said, about a year ago, it sparked into something more than that.
The end of a conversation in which one is giving a stranger advice about God’s Law does not usually end with "Could I get your e-mail?" Was he unconscious that he was attracted to this lady? Can the Family Values set be that unaware? Can he actually think that what he felt comes under the heading of "very innocently?" [King David was at least in touch with his feelings]. And the notion that "about a year ago, it sparked into something more than that" is pretty naive at best, more likely a lie.
I have seen her three times since then, during that whole sparking thing. And it was discovered… five months ago. And at that point, we went into serious overdrive in trying to say “where do you go from here,” and that’s where the Cubby Culbertsons and the others of the world began to help with, you know, how do you get all this right? How do you — again — be honest?
SANFORD: And so, it had been back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And the one thing that you really find is that you absolutely want resolution. And so, oddly enough, I spent the last five days, and I was crying in Argentina so I could repeat it when I came back here, in saying, you know, while, indeed, from a heart level, there was something real. It was a place based on the fiduciary relationship I had to the people of South Carolina, based on my boys, based on my wife, based on where I was in life, based on where she was in life, and places I couldn’t go and she couldn’t go.
And that is a, I suspect, a continual process, all through life, of getting one’s heart right in life.
Here, he adds the "fiduciary relationship I had to the people of South Carolina" to his laundry list of Family Values – another "duty.." But, I guess I think he’s actually lying because there are reports of pawing and cooing in a bar in Argentina, and it’s clear that he didn’t come back here planning to go public, and he went in spite of Jenny’s attempts to stop him.
And so, I would never stand before you as one who just says, “Yo, I’m completely right with regard to my heart on all things.” But what I would say is I’m committed to trying to get my heart right, because the one thing that Cubby and all the others have told me, is that the odyssey that we’re all on in life is with regard to heart. Not what I want or what you want, but, in other words, indeed, this larger notion of truly trying to put other people first. And I suspect, if I’d really put this other person first, I wouldn’t have jeopardized her life, as I have. I certainly wouldn’t have done it to my wife. I wouldn’t have done it to my boys. I wouldn’t have done it to the Tom Davis’ of the world. This was selfishness on my part. And for that, I’m most apologetic.”
The incredible case of Mark Sanford is a perfect example of what is wrong with the whole Family Values/Christian Right approach to life. This guy is relying on an external morality to guide him, and has absolutely no relationship with his internal world of emotion – until it jumps out and grabs him by the throat. And even then, he continues to "not know" the obvious. He sounds like a freshman in high school talking about all of this – a freshman from 1952 or earlier. And that’s what happens to people when they spend their life trying to "not have bad thoughts" because they aren’t right. "Thou shalt not covet…" doesn’t work any better for Mark Sanford than it did for King David. Read the parable about the house built on sand. He didn’t develop a comfort with his sexual feelings, so he grew up but he remained a child – which is what he sounds like. Grow up, Mark Sanford, and teach your sons to be comfortable with what they feel inside, so they won’t fall off the cliff like you did. And stop the preaching. As for Jenny, she’s a real catch. Pity you haven’t noticed…