Last night I was at a dinner, in a conversation, or at least listening to a conversation at the table. Something came up about George Bush. The guy to my left said, "Those [explitive deleted] Liberals think…" in a tone of voice that transcended the words – disdain, contempt, snarl, words aren’t good enough to describe that kind of music. Later, the guy across the table was talking about all the building in our rural area. He said smiling, "Ever since you know who inherited Atlanta…" You know who was referring to African-Americans, implying the building was to get away from said you know who. I was sort of zoning out on the conversation for obvious reasons, but later "towel-heads" floated by.
I found myself wondering on the way home if I do that – that being depersonalize, hate, make sweeping generalizations about groups. I wondered if it’s something about the Right Wing that generates that kind of talk. I know it’s not. One can read any of the bloglines I follow, and read things like "wingnuts," "fascists," "tweety," "pumpkin-head," "Darth Cheney," and worse. I expect you can find such things here too.
But my point is that on hearing those kinds of words last night, my mind turned off. There was not going to be any discussion at that table I might engage with. Such talk is only for the faithful. I tried to think back to the last time I took the bait in such a situation. It was a long time ago, fourteen years maybe, and it was a time when too much liquor had been flowing around. Since then, I’ve carried that lesson with me. In those situations, keep your mouth shut. Look around for others who’ve gone dumb. Talk to them later.
I tried to think back. Has it always been this way? Hateful polarization? I think so. I grew up in a segregated South, and came into political being in the early sixties. There was racism and anti-Communism everywhere. Later it was about the Viet Nam War – "gooks," "hippies." I’ve worn my hair long since those days, I think as a way of warding off having to hear such things, as a way of deflecting being mistaken for someone who will enter those conversations. It doesn’t work so well any more. As I found out last night, long hair is kind of in for country boys.
My wife had gone over to talk to a friend. When I brought it up on the way home, she said she was sorry she left me there in that conversation. I was glad she left! She gets that conflict feeling in these situations, guilty for not responding. If she had stayed, I would have been cringing, waiting for her to react and make things worse. I’m going to have to think up a new, unoffensive, subtle signal to wear to such gatherings.
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